Tranformation, please.

A few months back we got an email with SEXUAL ABUSE HAPPENED TO US! in the subject line. We've heard from a lot of abuse survivors, but never so boldly declared. It was from a sixteen-year-old girl who, along with seven other teen girls, meets with a therapist once a week to deal with having been sexually abused, many of them over a long period of time, most of them by someone in the family (no surprise there.) Many had been, and are being, how to say this nicely, screwed over by a justice system that, in many cases, still feels it's okay to punish a man for molest the neighbor's kid but not their own. All suffer from shame, pain, anger and many from the effects of abuse as played out in teen behavior - drugs, promiscuity, running away. They have decided that they want more for themselves, they want a future like Mia's. And they wrote us to say so.

She also asked us to come help them see how they can do what Mia did, because they can't see themselves as ever getting past where they are. We said we'd be happy to talk with them by speakerphone but our schedule is such that we're out of town several times a month for work, usually speaking engagements. We explained that that's how we make our living (it is the rare author who actually makes a living writing a book, you make a living speaking about it.) But she persisted. And persisted. And persisted. Speakerphone wasn't enough.. So this group of girls who are struggling just to get through life without screwing up, has done something few healthy adults do - they had a vision, made a declaration and made it happen. They learned how to write a grant (a difficult thing to do) for money for to bring us there. And listen to this: they came up with the idea of "Come Back Coffee," named both for our book and for their making a come back themselves; they contacted a local co-op that sells organic coffee grown by widows in Nicaragua; they're putting their label on it and selling it to raise money. They're flying us to Madison this weekend.

Could we have bought our own tickets? Of course, we could have. But we would have taken away the opportunity for them to learn something about themselves - that they can create success, that empowerment is a choice, it comes from within; and that no one, no molester, can hold you back or disempower you. Their therapist shared that they've never been motivated like this. Raising enough money for two plane tickets would not have seemed in the realm of the possible for them before this. Having a vision and the willingness to work for it has taught them more than anything we can say to them this weekend.

And just a visit wasn't enough, either. The want us to do some of the processes Mia did in the book, like the bonfire. Most kids who found themselves doing this were kidnapped by escorts in the night and dragged kicking and screaming to boot camp schools. These girls are asking, nay demanding, transformation. Amazing, mais non?

In fact, Lee Rayburn, who has a popular show on the local Air America affiliate, WXXM 92.1 in Madison, WI, did an hour on these girls, our experience and the Parental Stress Center where they meet once a week. Click here to hear a podcast of the interview (half-hour of me probably talking too fast, half-hour of the director of the center.)

And so this has turned into a Very Big Weekend, indeed! As always, I'm getting far more out of the dreams and determination of children than they'll ever get from me. And I've had the chance to feel like a child myself all week, coming up with ideas for processes and buying props and totems and touchstones for them, figuring out how to get it all into a suitcase. God help me if I get searched by airport security.

Tune in next week for a report on the weekend, with photos.

Comments

[suz]

I am so impressed! I have tears in my eyes! This is one of those gifts you receive for sharing yourselves. How amazing of these girls, and imagine that your sharing, yours and Mia's, ignited their flame. This is what makes the world better, deeper, more open. I can't wait to hear about it!!!
Suz

[Claire]

I had tears in my eyes, too! These girls were even more remarkable than I expected, each in their own way. I'm posting about the trip tomorrow and some of the girls themselves may guest blog!

[Amber]

Wow! Gosh, I love the human spirit. I love Survivors. There is a reason my work always leads me back to young people like this. Kids like this show us what is possible.
I hope it goes beautifully. Bless all of them!

:)

[Angela]

There is nothing more amazing than these two women - that is you Claire and Mia!! The courage to heal and the motivation to reach others. You touched all of us and will never be forgotten. Thank you from the deepest part of my soul!

[Jeanne]

We are placed on this earth to love deeply and to care for our fellow man.
Bravo
Much love
Jeanne

[Deb]

Last weekend spent with the two of you and our group was unforgettable. I can't stop thinking about it and talking about it. You two are amazing and so are these girls. We have learned so much from these few hours with you, you have been inspirations to all of us. Bless you for doing what you do and making it through with such strength, courage and love and for passing that forward. We are survivors!

[nita]

That is awesome. Getting the power back and holding onto it and feeling comfortable that way - a lot of the struggle lies right there. Bravo young women!

To share an insight: A wise therapist I know uses the word 'injured' in place of 'damaged' ... I like this for many reasons. 'Damage' brings to mind permanent holes, scars, dents, etc. while 'injury' is something that most certainly will heal. My 2 cents for you today! Can't wait for the update.

[zed null]

ladies,

i've found your book to be a challenging but thought provoking read; well worth the time and effort!!!

(i'm presently reading Cormac McCarthy's The Road, as a "follow-up book", and so far, agree with your summation of it!!!)

as a sexual abuse survivor myself (the victimizer was my fraternal twin, as we were growing up ((who is 14 minutes older than i... and, in the generation and culture we were born into, was considered the OLDER BROTHER and "above reproach" when i've "tried to discuss it" with our parents ((now dead!!!))

to this day, he denies "any of it happening" (by saying whenever i "try to talk to him about it", that: "you DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT"... we were "kids", and "it was just me EXPLORING my EARLIER SEXUAL AWAKENINGS!!!)

(i ask: "how WOULD HE know what SEXUAL AWAKENING was, unless he WAS ABUSE HIMSELF; but IS IN DENIAL HIMSELF"???)

i have always been somewhat effeminate in appearance, compared to his masculine one; and i've had both male and female therapists postulate, that "perhaps i was supposed to have been born female; and therefore, his "sexual exploration" was "because he perceived me as being female"... as "their simplified explanation" of his behavior toward me!!!

perhaps, if you do a "local" to Los Angeles, California event... in the new year... i might come to it... and introduce myself...

thank you for having a site like this, for survivors to add their voice,

best,

zed