Mapping a Vision For Your Life

After sending "our" girls in Madison to bed reunited with the powerful and magical child they forgot they still carried inside, we prepared to take them on another journey on Sunday morning - into their future. We had an exercise planned for them that I myself did in a seminar just before Mia came home from her "detour." It's one I believe we should all do every so often in life, with great passion and love and focus. Because it will change your life, I promise.

Most of us spend a great deal of time and effort planning a vacation. It's something we anticipate and treasure; we plan exactly where we're going, when we're going and for how long, what we'll do and see there, who with. We budget with care, pack meticulously as we want to look a certain way, be comfortable and prepared for the unexpected. We don't believe we want to go to London or Rio, we know we do, we know we deserve it and we go.

Few of us do the same thing for our life. We have vague ideas in college of where we want to go, we often get sidetracked, sometimes for years, we pretty much just assume that life will turn out how we want it to and if it doesn't, we either go with the flow and make do or blame, complain and have regrets. If we were to be as specific, determined and focused as we were in planning a dream trip, putting the same time and energy into creating a vision for all areas of our lives, declaring and living it as if it is already so, an amazing thing happens - we begin to live by intention instead of default. Our unconscious goes to work and the universe cooperates. Because our words have great power; by "words" I mean any external expression of ourselves, including images and verbal declarations. I truly believe we speak ourselves into being.

Seven years ago had you told me that I would spend a lot of time in Europe (something I'd always dreamed of but hadn't the time or money for,) publish a book and hear from thousands that it's changed their lives (never in my wildest dreams, not even on the radar,) be in better shape and health than I was when I was young, have an amazing relationship with my daughter, live by a warm sea and write whatever I wanted (not by assignment or for hire,) and own a house (Mia's school left us quite broke,) I would have laughed my fool head off, thought you were crazy.

But I gave myself permission to want all those things; I envisioned that life in a seminar and I made a map for it, literally. And then put it away and forgot all about it. And the only reason I'm writing you about it today is because while searching through boxes of letters for the chapter we were writing about Mia's time in the Czech Republic, I came across my Visions Map.

And I was astonished, literally jump up and down blown away. Because even though  I'd forgotten about it, everything on it came true, I created my life almost exactly as I envisioned it. I wanted to be happily reunited with Mia. I wanted a home somewhere beautiful, I wanted to write by the sea. I even pasted, beneath the section on the lower left devoted to career, "A Call To Action," which our book certainly is with regard to sexual abuse. I wanted to create a healthy, sexy body (at the time, turning the pages of a book was exercise); I wanted a greater spiritual presence in my life (that's the leaf with the word "spirit" on it and the word "free" beside it) and that's come to pass; I wanted to be with family and friends (something fluid now as I make new friends in a new location and have finally been to see my sister in Hungary and reunited with nieces, nephews, a grand-niece and grand-nephew, all of whom I'm crazy about. I've also made amazing new friends on the journey my book has taken me on.)

It was so rewarding, and fun, to watch the girls cut and past their new selves and lives into being. Peace and comfort featured in all of their maps in various manifestations, friendship was a significant theme. Images of female power seemed to be the most prominent theme - hooray, girls!! They were so incredibly focused and intent upon their dreams, you could hear a pin drop. Do you know how hard it is to get a group of teenage girls in one room to be quiet? Because they're under eighteen, I can't include photos at this point, but picture young women who are just beginning to realize that they have wings!

One of the most poignant things to witness was how much the mothers enjoyed making their own visions maps, giving themselves permission to dream a new life into being, not just as mothers, but as women. These women have been almost as battered by the events and the justice system as their daughters. I knew how they felt because I spent a long time there myself. And it was an absolute joy to watch them - they were cutting and pasting away with as much or more gusto than their daughters.

I gotta tell you, I am blessed. Next time I start whining or railing here, somebody remind me.

Comments

[Charity]

I am almost done reading Comeback. Normally I am not a person to pick up a book let alone read one. I cannot put it down now that I have started it. I have a daughter that will be 15 soon and as I read each page, I have to stop and think of if it were she and I that this was written about. You both have really touched me in a way that I never thought a stranger, let alone a book, could ever do. Thank you for sharing your accomplishments with me. Yes you have been to "hell and back" but everything happens for a reason. Being in my second marriage due to a physically abusive ex-husband, I have started over. I know nothing to the extent of what I have been reading, but with time. I am afraid that my daughter will have memories of things he did to her that I am not aware of. That fear lingers in the back of my mind every day. I know that I am just one person, but THANK YOU for opening up your lives to the world. Without that being done, not only would it not help the two of you move on and work through things, it would not let me see what I am able to see and think while reading word after word. Thank you!

[Suzanne]

Could you please post the directions for creating the vision poster that you described in this post? It sounds like you created different sections for different areas of your imagined life? Thanks!

Also, I read your memoir, 'Comeback', and loved it, thank you for writing such a wonderful book.

s.

[Claire]

Hi Suzanne -

I'm so glad you enjoyed our book - thank you for writing! I'd be delighted to write more about creating a visions map. I'll post it in the next week or two.

[Paige Jennifer]

I spent a week pondering a trip to Belize. How to travel? What to see? When to go? Until reading this post, I never thought about taking that approach with my life. Never. Not until reading your post.

I know it isn't why you wrote the book. I know that it isn't what gets you out of bed in the morning. But in case someone hasn't told you (and Mia) lately - you inspire others in a way they never felt possible.

[Dawn]

Just finished reading Comeback in a matter of two days. I just could not put it down. Just can not tell you the emotions that it released again in me. I too was abused as a child, over a period of about ten years, maybe more. I try not to relive it too much. It does however, appear in my daily life time and time again. I am now the mother of five children, and my daughters are having some issues, which i am learning how to cope with myself. I wish that when I was a child I had a mother like you Claire. How I now at the age of 35 still don't feel love. I try not to display this lost side of me to my children, but as they get older I seem to think they know. I have finally gotten married just this year, and I still question why, and wheather he really loves me. It is just how I am. I could go on forever about it all, I am so happy that you had the courage to write such a book. It will now be added to my favorites, along with the Boy called "It". believe it also it was much like my childhood. Thank you again for awaking me, I will continue to read the book at times when I need to

[Erin Towne]

I have just finished reading "Come Back" & I could not put it down. I read it in less then a week (& that's saying something when you have a 19 month old).

I too was in a bad place, similar to Mia & I was very struck when you said that at first God throws feathers & then he throws bricks. I really thought my parents hated me, that I never cared to see them again & I was in a very low place.

Luckily I was not into drugs. But I drank like a fish & being a Type I diabetic I was not taking care of myself. God threw feathers & then he threw bricks. My Mother & Step Father were killed by a drunk driver in Febuary of 2005.

I wish that I had come around before & realized just what I had in life & honored the body that God gave me.

Thanks for a wonderful (& powerful!) read.

[Cindy]

My daughter is in a school in utah. I just finished reading Comeback. I had already started self realizing that I have my own issues that contributed to her being there. I know she made her own choices but I believe I set the stage. We are both stubborn and of course "right". We adopted her when she was 3 1/2 and on the 1st day she called me "mom". I thought she was tough, my mom thought she was scared. I continued to believe that she was tough and sometimes devoid of feeling. I now believe that she is scared to feel. Scared that she will be abandoned once again. I dont know what happened to her before we adopted her - I can only guess - but I know that I want to change and be more open to her differences. I guess I am rambling - your book is very powerful - I read it in a couple of days because I kept trying to learn from your experience. We are bringing D home and I am scared that it is too early and she will revert back to her running, etc, but as you know it is costly to keep her in a program... I do know that I plan to write her tomorrow and just tell her how beautiful, creative and loving she is - nothing more... my experience of this is - I feel lighter - I am on a healing path... thank you for sharing so much of yourself - thank Mia as well...

[Lea]

Your book was amazing and i couldnt put it down, im 17 and have gone through a lot like your daughter but i couldnt walk down the same path as she choose mainly because i have 4 younger brothers i felt i had to take care of. I hope your Mia continues to grow and be her better side.

[Amber]

"A Call To Action," which our book certainly is with regard to sexual abuse.--- Yes is SO is.

I love love love working with girls this age. To see them come to realize how much life they have ahead of them, no matter what has happend to them...That is my favorite. It means so much! I am so happy these girls got to work with you! How wonderful.

Thanks for doing this work.

:)

[Marti]

Just a quick note, to say "thank you" for taking the time to write 'Come Back'. I started reading it on a plane last Wednesday, I cried for the 2 hours on the plane, and could not put it down until I finished it on Thursday evening. My poor husband thought I was having a nervous breakdown. You put all of my feelings about my daughter and her sexual abuse, (and several detours), into black and white. I could no longer supress the hurt and anger. Any one who has suffered this type of abuse, or parent of a child needs to read this book. I wish I had it as a guide book in 1990-1996. Thank you again, and God Bless you and your family.