Still on a High...

(NOTE: I was going to post this with photos, but I'm still waiting on releases and I'm still too excited by the weekend to wait. I'll add them when I do the next post. I'm also leaving in the word "damaged" so you can see how wise Nita's comment on the post below it is. It's so easy to forget our "languaging" and how powerful it is in our lives.)

I'm still buzzing from the most amazing weekend with the girls I wrote about below. The weekend was far more than anything we, or they, could have imagined.

We hardly sat down from the moment we got there. I arrived in the afternoon and into baggage claim walks a group of six beaming girls alongside Mia, who'd arrived earlier in the day. Some were a bit shy at first, all were as excited as we were. One of the firs things I noticed was a certain calm and maturity, even for the youngest (fourteen, I believe.) One of the things Mia wrote about in the last chapter of Come Back, was how abuse forces you to grow up early, because you see a side of human nature most kids don't see. I felt that. But it wasn't sadness I felt from them, though surely they have that inside as well, just a certain knowingness and presence.

They spoke of this during a delicious potluck meal we shared at the nature center of a nearby nature preserve. One of the girls spoke of how much more aware of danger than other girls her age she was, how they all seemed to have sharper instincts, about the mood and intentions of others. This "gift of fear" is something that will serve them well as adults, as long as it's not irrational. They spoke of that as well, with Mia sharing how it took her years to get over not wanting to be alone in the bathroom (I read many a novel while she showered over the years.) They had lots of questions for us, about writing, publicity, etc., but mostly about how Mia healed, what her life is like now, if and how the abuse still comes up for her, what our mother/daughter relationship is like.

After dinner we went with a park specialist for some trust exercises, one of which was getting a marble across a long distance with each of us holding a short piece of plastic pipe. The girls were ingenious, more so than the adults (which included their counselors, mothers, Mia and me.) Then came what you see in the first photo - cross-country skiing, sort of, with six of us to each pair of "skis." Again, the most ingenious solutions came from the girls, with K. coming up with the idea of instead using them as planks, plopping one down in front of the other (if you've seen the movie "The Piano" with Holly Hunter, you'll get the picture.) There's K. in the second picture; she's the one who took the initiative and contacted us. She can't weigh more than a hundred pounds, she's a little powerhouse.

Afterwards, we circled up to talk about what worked and didn't. If we take the time, there's very little we do in life that doesn't have feedback for us. Then I went inside to spend time with the mothers, which was a very moving experience. I felt honored to be in their presence. They were so strong and determined, a group of smart, savvy women with the endurance of Atlas. One woman, a single teacher, has been raising all four of her nieces and nephews, from a young age, something very few of us would do.

I saw in their faces the same pain and uncertainty I felt while I was struggling with Mia's abuse. They want their child's healing and happiness so much it was almost painful to see. I know they want their own healing as well, that's why they come once a week for group therapy with an amazing woman, Jude (she's so evolved and powerful, I hope to emulate her.) I hope these moms choose happiness for themselves as well. As moms, we're so focused on our kids that we forget that if our kids don't see us as joyful, it's hard for them to choose it for themselves as well. Not lets-have-fun-happy, that's fleeting and tied to circumstances/events, but true deep joy, which is a state of being, regardless of circumstance. This was one of my biggest lessons, one that had a profound effect on Mia. It's a state of mind that allows us to make choices from love instead of fear. It allows us to trust, it keeps our heart open. We all had it naturally as a little child. We still do, most of us have simply forgotten, we forget that, like a child, we can get up and do the exact same things we complain about, with a feeling of lightness, adventure. I keep a sticky paper by my desk that reads, "What would an EXTRAORDINARY person do in this situation?"

Mia spent the evening with the girls and their therapist, Kim, at the bonfire outside. Each girl read from a letter they had written the week before, telling their story and sharing what they want to let go of in order to move forward in life. They then each burned their letters. A few girls who'd never really opened up to the group chose to do so - a huge accomplishment! Kim is such a compassionate, generous and active therapist, a rock in their lives. I'll let Mia tell you about the bonfire in her own post here.

At least one of the girls wants to post here as well, which will be a real treat. One of them, a tall beauty named Hannah, will share her poetry, which she also performs with Spoken Word,  to empower others, as Mia did with the book. And I've just heard that our visit has encouraged a few of them to go on local radio to share their story to let others who've been abused know that they're not alone and that anything's possible. They credit Mia with showing them the way. I'm tearing up as I write this...

I led both groups through a visualization, to end the evening with them reuniting with that magical, wondrous child they thought was forever left behind. The little girl who'd never known hurt or betrayal or limitations. In the semi-dark room I could hear some tears (and one dear soul who was snoring, there's always one...) The girls were sent home with homework and a big assignment - to be silent until we saw them at 10 next morning. If you think that's easy, I suggest you try it. But sooo worth it, the longer the better (but that's a whole 'nother post.)

Our Sunday morning coming up next...

Comments

[Hanna]

Hi Claire (and Mia of course). I was writing to say, that that visit WAS verrryy inspiring, and i had so much fun. it was AWESOME gettng to know you and Mia's story & how you still can survive. Surviving is big in my mind. I am a survivor, and so are all the girls in my group. Mia is a survivor. YOU are a survivor. I loved being with you two, because we all have something VERY BIG in common. Something that truly changed our lives forever. But something that we all learned and are still learning, that it doesn't need to change our lives for the worse. The abuse helped me grow stronger, and fast. I feel i have matured quicker, and became much more wise. I want to help other girls move along their difficult journey through the life of abuse, because I can ACTUALLY tell them, "Yes, I know how you feel." Unlike many therapists they would eventually see (no effense Kim!!).
You and Mia are so inspiring and I hope you both continue speaking to others about your past journey. You touched my heart.

Take Care~ Hanna

[Kietra]

Claire, Mia!

I cannot believe you answered my e-mail, I cannot believe you talked to me, I cannot believe that you came to US! You both have changed my life. To make me want something enough, to work hard enough you can get what you want in life. I am still waiting for the pictures.
I don't know how to say THANK YOU! enough times to you guys so that you know you really did inspire us. I hope you both had an EXTRAORDINARY experience! I am going to stay in touch with you both. I have been so depressed lately, but after having that talk with you and mia, and the meetings...the rest of my week was so great. I actually wore make-up...which I haven't decided to do in a long time.
I just don't know how many times I can say THANK YOU. I've tried to contact Montel Willams, and let him know about us and that I were able to contact you and meet with you. I want him acknowledge that all girls are not afraid to speak their mind or face their fears.
Because of you, I am trying to start "IMAGINE" at my school. A prevent against sexual abuse through the schools and communities around them. I also started buying baby clothes, because I know of lots of teenage mothers that don't have much and if I can afford it, i'll buy it. Some of my friends are pregant and they're not even 16, one girl is 17 and has twins and a 2 yr old.

Thanks for the experience of a lifetime. All because of two YOUNG Adults. Thanks you very much for encouraging me to move on and not let little things get in the way, and still let big things in like LOVE in.

Thank you very MUCH!!
lots of love from
Kietra

[Mindy]

I just finished your book & wanted to look at your blog, because I wasn't ready for the book to end. It was so powerful, thanks for sharing your amazing story. Are the seminars you write about part of Landmark Education?

[Claire]

Mindy - Thank you so much for your comment! I'm glad our story was meaningful for you. The seminars are not part of Landmark, though some of the principles and ideas are the similar.

[Alex]

CLAIRE! I loved how you descibed our retreat. That made me laugh when you talked about the wooden ski things. I was happy though that my group was voted the loudest. Email me sometime, I got the hug that you sent my mom.

love
alex

[tiffany]

dera claire and mia, i just wanted to say thank you so much for coming and spending the weekend with our group. it helped me open my eyes on i don't have to be a shamed of what happend it's ok to move on and let go. mia you helped me personaly in more ways then one, you showed me that you can make it through something so terrible without haveing to hide behind alcohol and drugs. you've given me someone to look up to!?! it makes me fight harder to get through it and to truely find myself

thanks so much
tiffany

[Beatrice]

Dear Mia and Claire...just finished reading your book...loved it...I'm a survivor as well...I know deeply can imagine what you've both went through...very happy you are both doing well...stay well...thank you for helping others...love always BP