Writing. Life.

Upcoming appearance & Visions Map note

It occurred to me that some of you might live in the Palm Beach County/Broward County area and, if so, Mia and I are speaking this coming Saturday at 1 PM at B-nai Torah congregation. If any of you live nearby and can come, I would love to meet you! Full information is on our website.

A note on the visions map: Nikki commented that she wondered how her too-literal mind would deal with it. Beautifully, that's how! The idea is to make a visual declaration of the life you want, the more literal, the better. If you can't see it clearly, you can't create it. If you know exactly where you want to live, find pictures of it; find pictures of exactly the features you want in your home, down to the colors and view.  If you want tranquility, find the images that most speak to you of it. Don't let your "beliefs" about yourself limit you. If they do, then change your beliefs - tell yourself a different story about yourself. And keep telling it to yourself, a hundred times a day, out loud, if necessary, until it's part of you.

In case it helps: When I first began the proposal for my book, I struggled for over a year - "My ADD, I procrastinate, I've got too many obligations, I this, that and the other thing, blah, blah, blah." One morning, after I got really sick of myself, I woke up with "I am calm, focused and productive" in my head. I said that constantly, every day. I thought it, I muttered it under my breath whenever I found myself distracted, I breathed and ate that affirmation as if it were prayer beads in my mouth, over and over (or worry beads depending on the culture.) After a while I was down to a few times a day - a while being months, to be honest. Paul had no idea what came over me, but I stopped kvetching and making excuses and simply finished the proposal in a few months. If he reads this, now he'll know my secret. I didn't share it because I know myself - discussing it would have replaced becoming it. Chatter for me is often a very effective way of avoiding. Oh, hey, now there's another exercise I found REALLY sobering- one day I made myself create a list of all the ways I avoid - emotionally avoid, physically avoid, psychologically, professionally, relationally (is that a word?) Not only did I astonish myself at how long the list was - it was dismaying that the list would change from one week to the next. I had a singular talent for avoidance. Still do. Though, I do catch myself. Sometimes.

If any of you do create a visions map, it would be wonderful if you would guest blog here and share it. I'll show you mine if you show me yours?

Mapping Your Life II

I've spent the last fifteen minutes trying to think of a way to open this post without an apology for being late. It's become a chronic state of affairs. It's easy to blame circumstances (job, family, house) for always being behind, but because I believe we choose our lives, it's time for me to choose to look at why I've been choosing "late," "stressed" and, as of yesterday, "sick," for my life. My body is usually smarter than I am, so I suspect it's given me a very sore throat to make me stop, rest and make some new choices. That or God's trying to tell me to shut up.

Speaking of speaking, one of the best ways to begin a visions map is to put yourself on silence for the day if you can. If not, then certainly during the time that you work on it. Once you get into it, it feels like walking a labyrinth, a moving meditation, only with a destination: your own heart, your soul, the fullest expression of You. My feeling is that it's best done alone, it's an entirely internal endeavor. The minute you start talking to someone else, your focus shifts from internal to external.

Start by gathering images. Gather a box or two of magazines you don't mind cutting up. Any and all magazines, from fashion, home, yoga, nature, art, cooking, science, travel, Popular Science, spiritual, etc. Take old issues off of your friends' hands. You want as many images as you can find. Don't edit or choose at this point, you'll shrink your possibilities. Then gather scissors, glue, colored pencils, markers and glitter if you like. Crafters and scrapbookers will already have tons of stuff. You can find a big thick piece of paper, if you don't want to fold it up (big as in 3 feet by 2 or 3.) Or softer paper, like butcher paper or a huge art pad.

Schedule quiet, uninterrupted chunks of time to let yourself dream. Do it while walking, driving, whatever allows you to stay focused and undisturbed. I actually found this difficult at first. My mind kept wandering,which I suspect was my unconscious way of not allowing myself to dream, to want. Old unworthiness issues. Visualize yourself at your most powerful, most joyful, satisfied, curious, sexy, healthy, accomplished. What do you see? What do you WANT for your life? Not "if" you could have anything you wanted - knowing you can. Visualize your perfect life, your perfect home, love life, friends, career, mind and body - as if it already exists. As if you woke up in Your Perfect Life.

Start choosing images of your perfect life (speak in present tense, as if it IS already your life.) Create a collage or image or set of images for each of the areas of your life - home, career, friends and family, health, spiritual, pleasure and amusement, love, romance. You can do this any way that feels right - overlapping, orderly, fill the all the space, or let images float. There's no right or wrong, only what feels real to you. Here's where not editing earlier helps, because often the most powerful image is symbolic: a multiplying cell, a butterfly, a galaxy, things in magazines you probably don't normally buy. Be as specific as you can or want to in choosing images. Cut out words and use them, write them yourself, decorate, embellish, beautify and celebrate. Hang it up or keep it somewhere special. Go back and put finishing touches, or beginnishing touches.

You can challenge yourself to do it in total silence or if you want music, try to play music without lyrics, which take the focus from your own thoughts and words to someone else's. You can also find your own photographs if they suit. I didn't mention them earlier because they can sometimes, though not always, keep us stuck, i.e. they're an image of something that already exists or already happened, and this is about letting go, giving permission, looking forward. Of course, this isn't always true - I put a photo of Mia and me right in the center. But you get the idea. I also didn't mention drawing your own images. Unless you're talented enough that you can draw the image you want without judging, correcting, fixing, forget it. The exercise stops being about you and more about the image and the process of rendering it. It also is an opportunity for some of us to get into our perfection stuff, which won't serve us here.

I did my map in seminar and could have gone on for hours; it felt like being shaken out of a dream when we were told we had to stop, I wasn't ready. I'm really looking forward to doing this on my own now, taking as long as I want, being as specific as I want, finding just the images I want. What better time to do it than the beginning of a new year, too. I love that something as powerful as this feels like play.

(Every now and then Paul decides to play. He drew this for Mia's 25th birthday two weeks ago. The ocean has always been one of her favorite places. He's a graphic designer/art director who's also a fine artist.)